MY TRASH BIN

So pardon me.

It's about a person. Just call her "Arry."

It was started years ago. Arry met a very nice woman whom she considered a good friend. They live ocean aparts. Even tho they seldom comunicate, they are still friends.

This lady (let's call her Tina) is from different country from Arry. They know each other very well. At one point, Tina even deemed Arry as her daughter. Arry didn't mind at all. Instead, she liked it.

They both met in a west.

They both were immigrants from two different asian countries. Tina was sponsored by her husband (now ex) to come to that country. When then divorced, her ex, a proffessor in a university, went back to their country, while Tina keeps staying there with her two sons (both of them are married).

Arry came there with a working visa.

Destiny played role to their lives.

After years, time for Arry to go back to her country but they keep in touch once or twice a year, sometime only to say Ramadan mubarak or happy Eid. Common small talk.

This Arry girl is a single woman. Some men had been introduced to her by Tina but somehow hadn't worked. Nobody's false.

There was a moment where Tina introduced Arry to a man named Sultan. This Sultan intended to introduce Arry to his friend. Arry and Sultan met several times in a coffee shop, discussing about the man he was about to introduced.

It didn't go well.

Both parties were not interested.

But unknown to Arry, Sultan made a move toward her. Arry spotted it and kept her distance since she knew this guy was married.

Arry never told this to Tina since she would feel bad if she knew her friend was trying to hit on Arry.

So years went by.

Arry and Tina live separated.

One day, Tina called Arry, she intended to introduce Arry to her friend who was living in the same city as Arry.

At first, Arry was so hasitant. She was doubtful about the whole idea but seemed that Tina didn't accept "no" for an answer. So reluctantly, Arry agreed to meet this guy.

Long story short, they met in a mall.

Arry felt uneasy meeting this guy but in order to keep Tina happy, she still did it.

Tina expect Arry to report the meeting and pushed Arry to introduce the guy to her parents. Arry rejected the idea by saying, "how could I introduce a man that I barely know to my parents? Doesn't make sense."

On the line, Tina pushed her and convinced her that the guy was a very good guy. 

Arry gave up and gave a chance.

So in the second meeting they talked about meeting Arry's parents. The guy even went further talking about where they would live etc.

On Sunday, picked up by her brother, the guy came. All Arry's family (parents and siblings) welcomed him warmly. They talked aboud many things and had lunch together.

After few hours, time for him to leave. Her parents said nothing about him and just agreed with any decision that Arry would make. Deep down, Arry wasn't sure about having commitment with this guy but Tina's attitude affected her decision. She felt guilty for not listening for Tina since she helped Arry in the past.

In the evening, Arry got texted from the guy. He wanted to meet Arry to discuss about the marriage and all the stuff. The uneasiness didn't go but she kept continuing with the idea while relying to God in every step.

They met the day after in a small coffee shop. Since the guy was foreigner, so there would be many documents that had to be prepared. Arry knew about it.

He showed Arry some documents that had logo of his company and showed her how much money he had. Did Arry give a shit? Nope. The uneasy feeling stopped her from being seduced with all the possesion he was showing.

Arry told him that he had to have legal documents from his embassy first before Arry could proceed with her documents. The guy said it was unnecessary. Arry saw it as a red flag. She said her brother had asked her uncle, a lawyer, to handle it. But the guy said that was not needed. He said he would pay someone to speed up the process. Second red flag.

Arry gathered her courage and asked about mahr, one of requirement in Islam if people want to get married.

The guy said that since this is pandemic so no needed to have wedding. Arry agreed but that was not what Arry meant. Arry meant the mahr, not wedding expenses.

The guy said, " I can only give u 3 million. For mahr and meal."

Arry stunned. It's sensitive issue. It could sound like a business if she didnt deliver the message correctly. He didnt change his mind.

Then Arry proceeded, asking about the basic household stuff like bed, stove, etc.

The guy asked how much Arry's salary. She answered.

The guy then said, "okay. We will rent a house. You will pay for the rent and electric and I will pay for the meal."

Arry felt sick.

The guy continued, "and I need you to buy bed, stove, plates, basic things with your money first. Once I get money returned from the company, I will pay you back, but dont tell this to your family because I dont want your family underestimate me."

Arry laughed at the idea.

Before they went to separated direction, the guy asked Arry to stop for while and asked her to chit chat some more and acting like a charming prince. She's sick to her stomach and refused the idea, saying that she was tired and needed to go home.

At night, the guy texted her.

Arry asked one more time about the amount of the mahr. He mentioned the same number: 3 million. All included. Mahr and meal for the guests.

Arry said, "you asked me to keep secret from my family about wanting to borrow my money since you dont want to be understimated but at the same time, you provide 3 million for meal and mahr. The mahr that you will say it in front of many people. You will humiliate yourself in front of many people."

The guy said, "I dont care. I just will provide that much. You have right to demand, I have right to reject."

Arry said, "you know, the amount of mahr that you give shows your willingness to provide your family."

Arry tried to explain the mahr while trying not to sound it like a business. It is not a business but in their faith, a man must try his best to provide mahr and woman is expected to make the mahr easier. Arry knew it but the guy's response didnt sound that he was serious about trying his best to provide and on the top of that, he asked Arry to lend him money.

So Arry stoppped the conversation and said bye, hoping that it would be the last conversation with him. Ever. But before she said good bye, the guy asked whether Arry loved him. Arry felt sick. She didnt even liked him.

"Why?" Replied Arry, answering the silly question.

"Answer me properly," he demanded.

To stop the conversation, Arry replied, "yes. Why?"

He didnt give the answer, but said that he loved Arry.

She got so sick. And said bye.

He texted the next day.

Arry decided to tell the guy that it didnt work and wish him the best. The guy accepted it.

Arry proceeded to tell Tina.

Tina called her immediately and asked the reason. "Is it about mahr?" Tina guessed.

"Yes. And the top of that, he wanted to borrow my money."

"How much he would provide the mahr?"

"About 200 dollars. He said his family provided so much money and gold for dowry when his sister got married. Im not comparing. But it shows that his family has willingness to provide for the future family. He has no willingness and said up to me whether I accepted or not. So I stopped this."

Tina said, "yes. In our culture, woman provides for the dowry."

Arry said, "yes. We have different culture. But still, i didnt see willingness to provide the best that he could because at the end of the day, he would expect me to be willing to obey him but he didnt do the same thing, even from the get-go."

Tina said, "yea. When my sons got married, I provided the mahr. But when I got married, my family provided the dowry."

Arry said, "that's because you had the same culture."

Tina answered, "yes. Okay. It's okay if it didnt work."

Both of them said bye and hung up the phone.

Days went by, one day Arry got message from the guy's number. She just simply ignored it. She deleted without reading the message so that he wouldn't see the blue check mark.

Have some dignity.

Please and thank you.