It's been almost 4 years i have been working in the same public school. So far, i enjoy it. I can say that i enjoy it so much. The environment is friendly, the pupils are, yeah ... kiddos are the same, they sometimes give hard times but fun. Most of them are from low society with many problems that shadowing them. But they are polite, tho.
I am not the newest teacher, there are 3 new teachers came few months after my arriving, one of them is a religion teacher and the rests are homeroom teachers. At first, i was plotted as an English teacher but somehow the regulation changed and was asked to be a homeroom teacher, replacing a former teacher that was about to retire.
My background was not primary teacher, that's why i had to take another course to be eligible to teach at a primary school and be a homeroom teacher. So i did. I just graduated last year. If i didn't take the course, I wouldn't be eligible to teach at a primary school. It would be a wasting time for me, not because i am a choosy person and prefer to teach in primary school, it's just i have fallen in love being a primary school teacher even though i never dreamed about being one.
During the time, i faced almost no big issues there. Taking responsibility not only in teaching field, but often i do the operator jobs as well like inputting some data relate to the pupils or doing my seniors' documents in order to get their stuff done. FYI, some of my seniors are not able to use laptop, not because they can't afford to buy one to practice, buy merely because "it's young people jobs." I raised my eye brows hearing the silly reason, but no comment i gave.
But one occasion, the school headmistress heard the silly reason and snapped, "all relate to jobs always done by the younger, but when it comes to money, the seniors always come to the first line."
I smirked. She spoke what i had in my head.
I can't say that i never had conflicts there, but so far, i just could manage it by being silence and pretending to be deaf. I dislike confrontations even tho some occasions, i did it.
The biggest conflict that i have faced so far, and i hope it's the only one, was conflict with my senior who will retire on the end of April 2020. My relations was good before it happened. She often asked me to drop her in the nearest station with my scooter. Most of the time i did it even tho i had to turn around and took more time to get home. Actually she could use gojek or grab service but probably she needed to save the money to buy something else.
It was started when she asked me to do her job.
Let me repeat. To do her job.
Okay.
I am not a permanent staff, she is a public teacher. We have the same responsibilities even tho her salary is way bigger than staff like me. Often she asked me to replace her teaching. I rejected. If she was very ill, then I would. But she was fine. She just bored of teaching and wanted to just lay down or do some cooking for the teachers (we never asked her to do so, it's just her hobby).
One day, when we were sitting in the kitchen school, she asked me to do the report cards of the students she was teaching. I refused it. I said, "you have got you rights, so you have to do your obligations."
I could tell that she was disdained by my words. She was shocked since i was almost said 'no' with no further explanation or any arguments before.
She gave more excuses, "well, i have diabetes that's why i can't really work and i have problems with my eyes because of the diabetes."
Getting annoyed i snapped, "Mrs. Mira has diabetes too and she got amputated but she is still teaching."
Then i left.
Later did i know she held grudge on me.
One day we had a lunch together. She started talking how she got bored of teaching and just wanted to cook or do something that she likes at school. She said she is too old to teach.
I said, " well, the previous teachers like Mrs. Siti or even my mom taught until they exactly 65 and one of our oaths is to teach, not to cook."
She got very upset and things happened beyond my control and not i expected. I thought it was chit chat stuff or sharing thoughts but she took it very personally. She yelled at me and i was busy huss huss her till i could not hold my anger and let it out.
Some people on the same spot starring at us. I had not more shame to raise my voice in order to make her to listen to my words. She was doing the same things. I can't remember what made it stop but after sometimes, we talked like nothing happened.
At least, that what i thought.
She paid for my lunch even i didn't ask to.
On the way to school, we talked like usual, very normal. But it turned to be disaster when we reached school. She started a drama, making status on her whatsapp, saying there is a younger person who acted like a smart ass and not respect to the older.
She also sent me text which i deleted without intention to read it. She was super mad.
She sat on the floor and started to talked about how the younger should have been respectful to the older and saying that iam too proud of my mom since my mom worked till the last moments she allowed (FYI, my mom used to be a teacher in the same school and has been retired).
At first i made fun of her and didn't take it personally. I said that she took it too personal. But she kept grumbling and i chose to say sorry and said nothing.
I cant remember what i felt that time. But I think i was so sick. Not because of her mouthy behavior but because of the drama that she showed in order to gain attention from the others and her efforts to make me a public enemy.
I had no time for drama queen. I am sorry.
The next days when i arrived at school, she was there, something that she seldom did. She usually went directly to the kitchen to make tea for herself. I didn't care. I treated her the same way i treated my colleagues. I shook their hands (that's our culture).
She was a bit shocked, i supposed, seeing me treating her with the same respect i showed to the other teachers, like nothing happened. Well, to be honest, for me, when i already said "sorry" and that's it. It's over.
For me, the problem is over...
But... it doesn't mean the condition will be the same.
Doesn't mean no barrier in the communication.
Doesn't mean i will treat you the same way that i did.
I am sorry...
I have to build an invisible wall around me to protect me from being hurt by your words again.
I am sorry ...
I have to limit my interaction with you to give time for us to think that it's not okay to yell at someone either older or younger.
I am sorry ...
If you feel hurtful by the limitations i made.
I knew you for quite sometimes.
I knew how you react when u dislike someone.
You will keep telling bad things about them over and over to other people.
I have been prepared myself for the moment when the world turned against me but Alhamdulillah, the others treat me no differently. Seems they were not provoked by the words or merely ignorant.
I might be silent.
I might be introvert.
I might talk less than other people do.
You might think that it's ok to force me over and over.
But it seems that you forgot one thing:
I am silent.
I am introvert.
but the introvert has a mouth.
It just needs a perfect time to reveal all the truth.
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